I really avoid engaging in this type of political trash talk, but over the past few years this sentiment has been shared.

You win

Anyone can post anything to their photos or upload a video and call themselves a model.  Any dooshy guy can tell you nice things.  Don’t fall prey to it.  When one wades through the self-aggrandizing posts and pics its easy to spot an insecure soul.  It’s sad.  Way too many wedding photos too.  If you celebrate your 5 yr anniversary, time to stop featuring the bride pic as your FB photo.

Here are some tells why you are not a model.

1. When you work at Hooters and corporate stops by to take some photographs.

2. If you dated, slept, offered any sexual favor to the guy holding the camera.

3. Your creepy but creatively talented teen neighbor asks you to be an extra in his soft core Star Wars parody YouTube video.

4.  Daniel Tosh put your wedding video on the air.  Note: he’s not laughing with you.

5.  Bleached hair and Big boobs not a model make.  Anyone can invest $8000 into 34-D’s.  Try fixing that snaggletooth smile of yours.

Git er done!

Bass Pro Christmas catalog just arrived.  As I thumb through it I find the “intimate apparel” of which is all camo.  I don’t get it, but it shows up from time to time in these catalogs so someone is buying it.

But Really?  Who buys this crap?  The ladies are definitely attractive and worthy of the modeling work that the catalog calls for.  I would recommend they hire new management.  You can find good work with a natural C and D cup.

Top 5 reasons to wear Camo skivvies…

5. To hide from the rapey hill people when camping.

4. when you can’t wear white under your camo wedding dress.

3. Ted Nugent is coming in concert and you have back stage passes.

2. You’ve got a strip-o-gram gig in the green zone.

1. …you married Larry the Cable Guy and its the only thing that triggers his Cialis.

Aside from being naked and and drinking something from a gallon milk jug, look at all the crap littered about.

From the looks of the bicycles in disrepair, this might be the missing black sister from the Brady Bunch.

There is a red shopping cart with what might be her laundry?

The bottom of the pic you see a cute dog (mutt?).

Above all else, she recycles.  There are enough bins to cover all materials.

A bit of history to this…  Brent Stockstill and I used to poke fun at Lisa Bolen for wearing these strange boots that we referred to as “sheepskins”.  They were the precusor to the Ugg boots but with a shorter ankle that resembled something worn in a Robin Hood stage play.  What can I say, we were 13 and cruel.  I apologize.  In my defense, we were not malicious and it was never anything more than 7th grade hazing.  If I recall, Lisa enjoyed the attention and as best I can remember she never cried.

Dear Mrs Fodrell, I apologize for your lack of understanding concerning the “sheepskins”.  You have much better fashion sense than a silly 7th grade girl.  Your flipped up collars and brunette bangs were smokin’.  You should have been on Dynasty.  I digress…

Just to clear things up, “sheepskins” did not refer to condoms.  They were crappy looking boots.

This one comes from 1984 at the end of 7th grade.

Note: Greg and Jay wrote the same thing.

Dear Greg Wood and Jay Curley,

Thanks, but my summer wasn’t  like toilet paper.  Instead it was short and not at all useful.

[End voice]

Yes, It was hot.  We sweated all day.  We drank fluids.  I am still a bit dehydrated.  We arrived around 3pm and stayed until midnight.  Our bodies had a constant film on them.  There was some relief by riding the Fury of the Nile and some rides had those NFL sideline mist things.

We did have a good time.  We wore out the kids to the point they fell asleep on the ride home.  That’s one of those triumphant parenting things when your kids are wiped out after a quality Clark W Griswold outing.

Worlds of Fun can also be considered a world of diverse cultures and sub-cultures.  Plenty of Hispanics, white trash, African American, and Asian people who patronize the park.  Locals from the urban core and Christian buses traveling in from the rural parts of the region.  The sub cultures are the teens and pre-teens traipsing around presenting themselves to their peers.  I am getting old.  I don’t understand them.  I somewhat fear them.  Who can blame them with the 40-something white trash tramp stamp ladies not far behind.  I even saw a cleavage tramp stamp.  Does that have a name?  It’s a people watching bonanza.  It’s also a people listening buffet when you get caught near some of the more vocal species in line listening to conversations.  It lives up to the hype, “Worlds of Fun”.

I thought of a good way to round up dead beat dads.  Advertise free season passes and when those guys show up at the ticket window, serve them papers.

Aside from the body odor, the halter tops,  the teens, and some of the crazy looking people, it was a fun time.

Our family has not been in some time.  We try to go about every couple of years.  It’s interesting to see the changes to the park and always fun to ride the rides that have been there for 30 plus years.

The cattle pin line for the Taxi’s has not changed.  It is narrow and the closeness with humanity is not for me.  Especially on a 95 degree day with no breeze.  These things were built in the 70′s when obesity was not such a problem.

The new rides are fun.  Cooper and I rode the Prowler after dark and it was awesome. We had to endure a long wait due to a mechanical problem with the ride but we kept our spot in line despite being behind a large man who kept passing gas.  Did I mention there was no breeze?

The viking voyager (log ride) is still the same.  We rode as a family.  We had a great time.  We got a little wet too.  The end of the ride you can view the plunge photos they take and we had to buy one because the expression on our faces was so funny.  $9 well spent.

When we got home at 1am or so, we walked into a house with no air conditioning.  The house was 90 degrees and we had to open the windows and sleep it out and get it repaired in the morning.  That’s another story.  Dear environmentalists, your desire to ban certain substances results in a common failure of capacitors that don’t hold up in 95 degree heat.

Pow!  The one-legged Skecher lady was there.  So I took a photo.

I do realize my actions may be viewed as insensitive and cruel.  I will do my best here to not be insensitive.  I have ample sympathy for this woman and wish her well.  My posting this is for simple observational humor and I have taken steps to hide the identities of the parties involved.

However, if she robbed a bank I think we could track her down.  APB: “Elderly Caucasian woman.  Leaving eastbound on a motorized scooter at a not so high rate of speed.  Shes wearing depends,  light colored t-shirt, dark shorts, one skecher shape-up.  Oh… and has one leg.  Minimal flight risk. She has a sack of money with a dollar sign on it.  And… she loves to eat at Subway.”