Be warned for what I am about to say may come off as judgmental.

The boy had a friend over to spend the night so we decided saturday morning we would eat breakfast at McDonalds.  We don’t eat there much as a family and it is a treat for the kids go.  I try to be a cool dad.  Not the kind that buys beer but the kind who lets a curse word pass once in a while.  Let’s at Micky D’s to the resume.

(Editorial: McDonalds is not evil.  I don’t recommend anyone eat there more than 2 times a month.  It is our family belief that moderation serves well with fast food)

Here we go.  Me, two growing 5th graders, and my 7 year old daughter off to McDonalds. On they way, they were saying aloud what they wanted in much the same way Spalding declared his snack bar requests to Judge Smails at the turn.  The difference was that I didn’t care what they got.  $20 worth of pancakes, biscuit sausage sandwiches, orange juice, and (a coffee for me) later we were seated in the play area with our food.

I had to make 2 trips from counter to table because two 5th graders somehow can’t figure out that grownups need help carrying crap.  First I delivered the food, came back for the OJ’s and coffee.  Upon my return to the table, controversy hung in the air.  Emmie had bitten into Cooper’s friends sausage sandwich.  She didn’t order one, but somehow “mistakenly” grabbed it and started eating.

It is unknown if she had malice in her actions or a Reagan-esque temporary loss of memory.  We may never know.  Nonetheless I went back to the counter to replace the mauled biscuit sandwich.

Standing in line again I noticed a methy looking grandma of 50 or so come in with her granddaughter of about 8.  I am making assumptions here, but I would bet a paycheck I was right.  Grandma’s demeanor was joyful and obviously happy to be spending time with the girl.  Grandma also had a wet cough that grossed me out.  It was part smokers cough and part “I just finished a Z-pak for a respiratory infection” cough.  Either way, I was compelled to slide 2 steps away from her.  …yuck.

Still waiting I noticed other random folks in the restaurant.  Some look like this was their normal saturday haunt.  This was based on their girth (yes, I judged).  Then I observed about 3 different couples in their 30′s maybe 40′s who had a certain glow about them.  They looked like they hadn’t been awake long.  Couples that just threw something on and left the house.  Kind of like when Kim Kardashian is caught off the red carpet.  They still look presentable but not dolled up.  They put on a ballcap and a hoodie and “went out for breakfast”.  It was 9am at this point.  They had faces that told a story of a late night.  I would guess a “date night” (if you know what I mean).  I was happy for them.  I was also slightly envious.  God bless ‘em.  

Order up! I’m quickly reminded by the teenaged staff  that I am currently playing Batman’s butler to my kids at McDonald’s.

Back at our table, I deliver the fresh sandwich and everyone is happy.  Are manners expected at McDonalds?  Hope not, because my kids ate like felons.  Sausage patties eaten with hands.  Pancakes eaten like floppy popscicles.  It was a sight.  But who cares?  I let the moment happen.  I brushed off the lapse in expected behavior in a Michael Keaton manner and moved on.

Lunch?  I think we will have a salad and some fruit.

| Category Funny?